Forgive Me
by Yuki Chronos
Summary: He banished her from Vongola. He tries to marry someone else, all because of his love for her. He cut the ties between her and never want to see her again, only to hold onto her cold body and witness her last breath... in order to bring her peace, he'll do anything, even if it means throwing away his own peace. A special dedication.


**This story is dedicated to my precious readers, especially Dark Gothic Lolita. This is an unplanned story, but I just had to make a story to show my appreciation, so forgive me if it doesn't suit your interest.**

**Note: after reading this story, please read the author's note below. But don't read it yet! Enjoy the story first! ^^**

* * *

"Congratulations, Kyoko!"

Amongst the females who congratulated the honey-colored hair girl, smiles radiated from her face; so bright that it clearly indicated her happiness.

"Sawada should feel lucky to have you as his wife, Kyoko. If he ever makes you sad, call me and I'll be there to punch his face, okay?" her best friend, Hana said and all laughed merrily over her words. In Kyoko's bachelorette party, in that much happiness spread around Sawada's house, only one person who was left out, who was supposed to be there and be happy for her best friend.

Haru was leaning against the gate wall, being the only person who was surrounded by aura of loneliness and heartbroken. Just a few days ago, she was one of them—but no, not anymore.

…

"_Haru, come here" he ordered while seating on his office chair. Haru walked towards him and stopped in front of the desk._

"_What is it, Tsuna-san? You look very serious"_

"_You have no position in this family"_

"_Eh?" she flinched._

"_Everyone in this family is bound to join the Vongola, but not you. You have no reason to stay here"_

"_Wh-What are you saying?! I can still fight!"_

"_It's not good enough!"_

"_But…"_

"_Yamamoto, Gokudera-kun!" he called and the two entered the room. "Get her out of my sight now!"_

_Both Gokudera and Yamamoto grabbed her arms, pulling her outside, but she kept struggling._

"_T-Tsuna-san! Please tell me this is a joke!"_

_Disbelief marked on her face. While her heart was stabbed by his words, she still tried to believe him. But she knew it wasn't when he whirled his chair around with no intention to look at her._

"_Miura Haru, as the leader of Vongola, I banish you from this family. You will not come here again or come in contact with one of us. You are no longer a part of us"_

…

His absolute order was unbearable to hear. At his last sentence, she felt shattered, like cheap glass that was doubted of its material.

_What's wrong with me?_

_Am I not good enough for the family?_

_Am I not good enough for you?_

Those transparent doubts were caused by Tsuna. She loved the Vongola, it was a pure love she had for both him and the family. She learnt to fight because she wanted to be with that family and protect it, just like she wanted to protect him. And yet, what did he do to repay her intention?

He banished her. He left her wandering alone, had nothing in her life—had no one in her life. All she had was her empty home at Japan. Her parents had left her since they knew of her affiliation with mafia. They left their only child, and she had no one to come back to.

What made it worse was her only best friend that was about to marry the man she ever loved. She felt betrayed by both of her precious friends. She felt cold, unloved. If he had never banished her, she would've felt truly happy for Kyoko.

She clenched her fists in tremble, knowing she couldn't stay gloomy and sad forever. She had to move on. With that in mind, she walked away from Tsuna's house.

"Haru-chan?" Haru halted at the sudden familiar angelic voice, but she didn't look back. "Where were you? You've been gone for days!"

"I'm sorry, but I have something else to do"

"Can't you at least come in? I invited you to the party"

"I know. You texted me yesterday"

"Then, come on! Everyone is having fu—"

"Kyoko-chan?"

"Eh?"

"Do you remember what I said about Tsuna-san 10 years ago?"

"H-Haru-chan, I…"

"It's okay. I'm happy for you. But I really have to go, Kyoko-chan"

"Haru-chan, what's wrong with you? The Haru-chan I know isn't like this. If there's something on your mind…"

"The Haru you know is no longer exist"

"…What? W-What are you saying?"

"I'm sorry" she ran away from her as fast as she could, so that Kyoko wouldn't chase her.

But she felt guilty. She might have ruined Kyoko's day, moreover the day after was Kyoko's wedding day. Married… to the man she loved. Haru shook her head at that thought. She didn't want it to bother her. She knew she had to let it go, she had to be happy for her dear friend.

* * *

"You're wrong to underestimate the Vongola"

Tsuna's voice was ever calm, cool, yet dark. He stood and looked at the dead body in front of him with indifferent and cold stare. It was as if in words, the clear and open sky turned into darkness that let nothing to drift above its space.

"Another great job, juudaime" Gokudera and Yamamoto stood at his back.

"Soon, it will be my 100th kill. How about you guys? How many?" he turned around.

"Yesterday is my 55th" Gokudera answered. "Me too" Yamamoto voiced.

"Juudaime" Gokudera called. "Do you… remember your principal? About succeeding Vongola Primo's will"

"I can't forget it. But everything changed, Gokudera-kun. We can't live in that principal anymore. The era changed, so are we. Every one of Vongola members have tainted their hands with blood"

"But, Tsuna…"

"Don't worry, I'm still me. It's a situation we have to live with, like it or not" he said with a guilty smile. He looked at his watch, "Anyway, I have a date with Kyoko-chan. She said she wants to try a new cake before the wedding. Take care of the mess, okay? Bye" with a wave of goodbye, he left his two friends.

"Hey, Yamamoto. How many people Haru killed?"

"…"

"Oi"

"99 people, almost 100. Why you ask?"

"…Nothing. I just—I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel bad for helping juudaime to banish her. It's just… not right"

"Yeah… I know"

~#~

The brunette coughed.

She was reading a book outside her house while watching the rain. Somehow, she felt at ease by the pouring rain, as if it set peace in her shattered heart. Maybe the rain was too cold, she thought. She started sneezing, too; therefore she decided to go inside.

As she went inside, all of the sudden, she began to feel unsteady, her steps were unbalanced. She could fall at any time and she suddenly felt hot. She kept coughing and coughing, moreover she felt dizzy. It was a sudden turnaround of her condition.

She was still able to walk in balance, so she walked to the bathroom to find medicine, but unfortunately, she found none. For that reason, she donned black pants, black leather jacket, and red scarf. With having no one to accompany her, she with her umbrella walked to the pharmacy alone.

Meanwhile, Tsuna and Kyoko were in comfort and warm zone, away from the cold rain while eating cakes. Smile never faded away from Kyoko's smile as she was eating the cake and Tsuna just smiled at that sight. "Is it good, Kyoko-chan?" he asked and she nodded delightfully. "Very good! But, Tsu-kun, you haven't touched your cake" the smile finally disappeared as she noticed the untouched cake.

"I'll eat it later, so don't lose that smile" he said with a smile. She smiled back and continued eating.

Then, he turned his head to the window, not expected to see Haru who was under that rain. His eyes widened at her red face and her mouth and nose that were buried under the scarf.

"What's wrong?" Kyoko innocently asked and he flinched, making his head to turn back to her. "I-I was just thinking of eating it now" he picked up a spoon.

After struggling to stay conscious, Haru finally arrived at the pharmacy and bought few medicines for her condition. But her mind went blank due to her condition significantly turned worse. "Miss, are you okay?" an employee asked as he handed over her medicines.

"…"

"Miss?"

"Ah! I'm okay!" Haru snapped and accepted the bag of medicines. "May I ask where the bathroom is?" she asked and he pointed at his right. And so, she walked there.

"Tomorrow, we will make our declaration to Vongola decimo", Haru stopped at the doorstep as she heard the female voice. She stood while hearing the whole talk. "Yes, father. We begin at the precise time" whoever inside seemed to be talking to phone.

"There's no turning back. He killed brother. Even though he was a traitor, he shouldn't have killed him! So, here's my plan: tomorrow we will make him feel what we feel. We'll make him watch his loved one die in sight. We'll shoot Sasagawa Kyoko to death"

Haru widened her eyes in much shock. Her pale and red face mingled with her shocked expression. She had to know the culprit's face; therefore she went inside and pretended to wash her hands while looking at the woman.

She recognized that woman. She was one of Vongola's alliance and a guest at the wedding. She feared the worst. As the woman got out of the bathroom, Haru immediately slipped her hand into her bag, intending to find her phone, but she forgot it was at her house. At that moment, she instantly ran towards her house, forgetting her umbrella.

Her mind was overrun with worries and anxiety; even Tsuna's words didn't stop her from trying to call him. Adrenalin forced her body to run under the rain, despite her condition. In spite of her upcoming fever, she managed to arrive at her house and grabbed her phone to dial Tsuna's number.

Though strangely, she couldn't. Her hands were trembling and the phone was dropped to the floor, along with her body. With her body faced the front door, her vision blurred. She couldn't open her eyes as much as she wanted to.

But before her eyes were fully shut, in her hazy vision, she could faintly see a pair of foot getting inside her house. Whoever it was, the person who wore dark-colored pants and men's shoes as if hurriedly ran to her house, as if that person was looking for her.

* * *

Haru opened her eyes slowly, greeted by the sunshine that hit her face. A wet towel had already on her temple without her realization; moreover she was on her bed. When she raised her body upright, she could see her medicines and a glass of water were on the desk.

She wondered who was kind enough to do it for her, who helped her to drink the medicine in her sleep. But the strangest part was the oddness she felt on her lips. That didn't matter to her, what matter was the missing hotness on her temple. She felt fresh and renew.

"What time is it?" she grabbed her phone. "EEH?! I've slept for almost a day?!" she looked at the date: it was the wedding day. She recalled the conversation she heard yesterday and immediately prepared.

20 minutes before the wedding started, she knew she could make it. Since the wedding was situated at the church where 10 years ago, Reborn staged his wedding with Bianchi, she could run there.

Meanwhile, Tsuna was in the dressing room with Reborn. He sat on the armchair and let out a deep sigh. "I'm really nervous. What if I'm not a good husband for her? What if—"

"Cut the façade, Tsuna"

"Huh?"

"You may be able to fool everyone, but not your own tutor. I'm not an idiot to be able to tell that the reason why you want to marry Kyoko is because of Haru"

Tsuna's eyes twitched at his remark and then he averted his face nonchalantly, "What does that mean? You know this is my long-time dream. I've always wanted to marry Kyoko-chan since 10 years ago"

"You're trying to marry the girl you once loved, in order to protect what you truly love. You love Haru, don't you?" Reborn's question made him flinch. "How can I love her when I banished her from this family?" Tsuna countered.

"That's the answer. You banish her because you love her, because you can't stand to see her kill again"

He couldn't lie anymore, he knew of it, especially to Reborn. "Do you know how many people she killed? Ninety nine, I know because I count it. The family Vongola Primo had hoped for isn't going to be a group to help people. No matter how hard I try, I can't make Vongola turn away from mafia ways. In order to protect everyone, to survive, we have no choice but to kill… and I have no choice but to let them, especially Haru"

"So, you're playing the villain to save her? Do you know that do her no good?"

"I realized that! I know I did wrong, when I see her red face. I had the feeling she was sick, so I went to her house as soon as the date ended. Reborn… if I'm willing to help her drink medicine mouth-to-mouth, then I can do this. I can't turn back now"

"Then, answer this, Tsuna. Are you willing to live forever with the girl you don't love? Are you willing to take the burden? Are you willing to let Haru lives her solitude life? Because you know that her parents left her. She'll be living in loneliness because of you" his fedora hat covered his face with its shadow. Reborn looked very serious as his tone was solemn.

"Reborn, I…"

"I don't need answers. You're an adult; you don't need to be told what to do. Whatever your answer is, just don't let it ruin this day" he said and left Tsuna in the dressing room alone, musing over Reborn's words.

Reborn was right, always, but Tsuna knew he couldn't turn back. He didn't care as long as it could save Haru from tainting her hands, if it could save her from the treacherous Vongola. It was his new definition for his own family, treacherous and the cause of the spilled blood that came in contact with his friends' hands, his hands, and Haru's hands. And Kyoko would marry a killer, without knowing he was one.

But all he could think of was Haru. She had been forced to kill because of her dedication to the family, and yet, tragically, he also didn't know that she was willing to kill for it—to protect the family she loved.

A sound of the door abruptly opened made him snapped out of his thought. His eyes grew wide in surprise as he saw the girl he didn't want to see was there with agitated looks and sweat for the running.

"Before you want to kick me away, please hear my words"

"Haru, are you deaf?" he gave a fake annoyed looks. "You're not supposed to be here. You have to leave, now"

"Please hear me out! This concerns Kyo—" Tsuna immediately grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the exit. They met Chrome on the way and he immediately dragged her forward to Chrome. "Kick her out of this place, Chrome" he walked away.

"Tsuna-san!"

"I despise you, Haru" Haru flinched in shock hearing that. "If you do this again, I'll kill you" after that, she let him walked away.

As she stood still and watched him leave, shadow casted over her face. Her balled hands were trembling. Chrome could only watch her in silent.

"If you want to kick me out, do it" Haru voiced. "But, I'm not going to give up. Not when Kyoko-chan is in danger"

"I can never do that to you, Haru-chan"

Haru's face turned bright as Chrome said that. "Then, can you help me?"

Chrome nodded and said "If this concerns Kyoko-chan, then I'll do my best"

~#~

The time had come for everyone's joyful day—Tsuna and Kyoko's important day. Tsuna was already at the altar and Kyoko was walking towards the altar, wearing a mesmerizing white wedding gown. She took a glance upon Tsuna with a delighted smile and Tsuna smiled back.

Thus, the wedding began. Everyone, except—as expected Haru were there.

"Sasagawa Kyoko, do you swear to take this man as your husband?"

"I do"

"And you, Sawada Tsunayoshi, do you swear to take this woman as your wife?"

Tsuna twitched at the last two words. He bit his lips with nothing to say. Unpleasant silence filled the place; whispers started to nullify the silence.

"Tsu-kun?" Kyoko started to put worried looks as she tugged his attire.

"…I'm sorry, Kyoko-chan" Tsuna turned to Kyoko. "I… can't do this. I…"

_**BANG!**_

Tsuna's eyes widened in so much shock, seeing bullet penetrated through her heart. Her blood sprayed to his face, to his white attire. He hastily caught her and held her in his arms. Everyone immediately looked at Tsuna's back and saw a familiar woman who aimed her gun at him. The guests started panicking and Ryohei escorted them the way out.

"Kyoko-chan, can you hear me?! Kyoko-chan!" Tsuna desperately called for her, but her eyes remained closed and her body stayed unmoved.

"This is our motion, Decimo" an old man walked approaching him. He immediately set his eyes on him.

"You're… why?"

"That was my face when you killed my son"

"He was a traitor! You know how we must act against a traitor!"

"He's my precious son! And you killed him! You could've given him a privilege, like you once did, but no… you've changed, boss. I want you to feel what we feel"

"Tsuna/juudaime!" Gokudera and Yamamoto immediately restrained the man's arms, and yet, the man seemed pleased as a grin curved on his face.

"Haru-chan!" Chrome and Kyoko called altogether. Anyone who spotted Kyoko was struck by her appearance, especially Tsuna.

"What?! What's going on here, Decimo?! Is this your trap?!" the man went in rage, struggling to let go, and Gokudera and Yamamoto tightened their grip.

"…Kyoko-chan? What's… going on here?" Tsuna's face was so shocked that his agape mouth showed it. "Then, this is…"

When he turned his head to the one he held, much to his surprise, 'Kyoko' was covered in mist. As it gradually disappeared, his face turned pale and his eyes grew wider, seeing a brunette he recognized.

Everyone who was there put on a shock looks, but Tsuna's looks beat everyone in terms of expression.

"...Haru? But, why…" with his trembling hand, he cupped her cheek. "This is a joke… right? I… take back my words. If you open your eyes… Haru, you can go back to the Vongola…" he smiled as if he tried to take it as a joke, but he smiled with pale-faced, as if trying to laugh like it was really a joke. A façade he put to act strong.

As many times as he called her, she neither budged nor gave a slightest move. Tsuna's face was covered with shadow and dying will flame suddenly lit on his forehead. Much to everyone's surprise, a familiar block of ice froze the man's legs, and it went up his body, with a goal to trap him fully with it.

Gokudera and Yamamoto immediately peeled away; they recognized that shimmering block of ice anywhere. It stunned them to see that Tsuna didn't wear any gloves while still able to put up such act, hatred and rage overflowed in his flame. How the frozen flame was going up and freezing the man's body, it was nothing but a voice of a desperate man, one with much profound anger. And it was seen as it kept on going up with unnatural speed, despite the man was screaming for help.

He stretched his left hand towards the man and opened his palm wide open. With tears stuck in his furrowed and resentful eyes, flame started charging on his bare hand; mentally freezing his own friends in fear and disbelief.

"…You'll die for this…"

* * *

_Everyone waited in front of the surgery room, hoping for good news. Few hours later, the doctor came out._

"_How is she, doctor?" Tsuna immediately approached her. The doctor shook her head, "She survived the shot, although—"_

"_Just cut to the chase, please"_

"_She's in coma", he held his breath at that declaration. "There's 70% chance she won't wake up again. I'm sorry. We have done everything we could" the doctor bowed apologetically and left them._

"…_Chrome, I want explanation" Tsuna demanded._

"_Boss, if you listened to her words, she wouldn't be in this state" Chrome's words startled everyone, even more so Tsuna. "She knew this would happen. She wanted to save Kyoko-chan. She told me someone was after her"_

"_I'm sorry to say this, boss, but she's hurt because of you. I say this based on my perspective" Chrome stated with soft and polite tone._

_Silence roamed his mind. She was right; he couldn't dispute over that. "Then, why did you let her? Why did you let her straight into danger?" his voice was trembling of leaking emotion._

"_Because I thought one sacrifice is okay with you. And because I thought you love Kyoko-chan"_

_Tsuna flinched at her remark. Did his friends really look at him like that? Did they even think Haru was easy to get rid of? He changed so drastically that even Chrome thought of him that way. He couldn't blame anyone in this. It was his own fault that led killing to change him and change the Vongola._

_He knew he had been tainted, but he dragged everyone along in his mess._

"_I'm sorry, Tsuna-kun" Kyoko approached him with tears stuck in her eyes. "I should be the one in her state. I tried to stop her, but she…" Kyoko lost it; her tears burst again and Ryohei had to comfort her._

_Tsuna had nothing to say, nor did he have the intention to. The problem revolved around him, the cause of Haru's coma state. Chrome was right to point the mistake at him. He let the Vongola to change him and he felt such coward to think of killing as a way to survive, while as long as he had the will and effort, he could've changed that._

_He turned his back against everyone and walked away from them, leaving anyone to add their concerns and attention for him._

…

At the moment, he stood next to Haru's bed, where life support kept her in touch with the living. Nevertheless, she was in-between life and death. The cause of the horrible sight was him and the Vongola. Everything connected to the Vongola and him. He felt sick of his cursed family that caused everyone's misery.

He should've been able to see through the illusion; he should've known it was Haru. He had watched her got shot, without knowing it was really her. It hurt him so much, knowing his own frailty what blinded him—what it did to his friends. What was in front of him was the sight he never wished to see, what he never wished to be.

"Haru, if you can hear me, I want to say something to you. I'm sorry for letting you be alone… I'm sorry for hurting you. I don't want your forgiveness. I just want you to open your eyes and hear the words I've been holding to say to you… but you…" he paused briefly and caressed her cheek.

"Don't worry, I'll make up to this failure. By the time you wake up, you don't have to worry about anything else"

"I know you can't hear me, but I love you, Haru" he kissed her forehead deeply and left her with a note before he left the room.

He walked outside and stared at the blue night sky thoughtfully, because this time, he knew what to be done. As he walked away from the hospital, he also carried an unknown weight, the weight not even Reborn could tell. But from his resolute eyes, it indicated one thing only.

He wanted to end everything.

**-Two days later-**

A nurse opened Haru's door room while holding a piece of paper. She dropped the paper as she saw the girl whom was supposed to be in deep slumber was sitting upright while looking out the window from her bed as a note was on her grip.

"Doctor! Doctor!" the nurse hastily ran away from the doorstep.

Haru kept silently staring at the starry sky from her window. Then, the written note got dropped by a single drop of water, a form of liquid that was coming out from her eyes, wetting her cheeks and the note.

_This family of treachery and chaos doesn't deserve your light._

_By the time you wake up, you won't be hearing anything about the Vongola. I will eradicate the source of your misery, the source of your sadness. I won't have you tainted again…_

_I wish… I can see you again. I wish… I can tell you directly how much I love you._

_I really wish... I can hold you in my arms and wipe your tears __away __every night you cry. I've been hearing you cry every night, hoping I can comfort you or say you don't have to kill again. In every day you kill, you cry at night in your room. And yet, all I can do was just stood at your door with my frailty and stupidity._

_Haru, I want to be with you, forever. Those tears are because of my selfishness. I hope you would accept this me and allow me to go back to your side, b__ut by the time you wake up, I'm afraid you won't be hearing anything from me._

_I will destroy the Vongola..._

_I'm sorry…_

* * *

**A/N: sadly to say I'm leaving fanfiction world for quite a long time. College makes me unable to touch this website. Many thanks to Dark Gothic Lolita who's my inspiration to write my first Tsuharu story. I wouldn't be able to find the base of the love of that pairing if it weren't for this one amazing author :)**

**Don't worry, I still have stories left hanging, so I have a motivation to come back here sooner. I'll be back after college goes easy on me, after I'm able to grasp the studies more. Maybe I can still update from time to time, but it won't be a short interval, for sure.**

**I'm a student of communication, and yet social isn't my thing. I'm more of a logical and scientific-minded person. You can see why I have to leave for god knows how long, right? :(**

**I hope I'll be back sooner, though.**

**Oh, I have one message before I leave: DON'T STOP SPREADING THE LOVE OF OUR DEAR PAIRING, 2786!**

**Wish me luck!**

**Ciao!**


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